Question 1

Overview

Accepted Answer

When it comes to why people might oppose cremation, there are many different reasons: some are doing so out of cost or convenience concerns, and they may just need to learn that burial is very important. Some may need a little more than that. Obviously, when making an argument, you try to answer the person — not the question.

In general, try to stay positive. If you can inspire someone to do the right thing rather than guilt-tripping them, you are much more likely to succeed.

Bearing this in mind, here are a number of angles you can use in persuading someone to choose kevuras Yisroel.

Question 2

General introduction

Accepted Answer

Our soul comes from Heaven; our body from earth. Birth is the marriage of the two, and after death, the body remains on earth, and the soul returns to Heaven. It is not “afterlife,” but a continuation of life, in a different phase.

We are alive long before our bodies are born, and we live long after our bodies die.

Your soul is your consciousness; you have a body; you are a soul.

Your body is a loan; one which you are entrusted with preserving. That is why Judaism places such great importance on preservation of life, and counterindicates any self-harm.

In terms of Jewish law, Cremation is 100% forbidden; it’s non-negotiable. It’s forbidden for me as a rabbi to perform a cremation ceremony, it’s forbidden for the family to sit Shiva, it’s even forbidden to say Kaddish. From a Halachic point of view it is as if the person was never buried, and can never be mourned.

Cremated ashes may not even be buried in a Jewish cemetery, (unless the person was burned in an accident, murder etc, in which case the horrific death secures atonement).

Cremation is originally a pagan idea. It’s a fundamental part of Hinduism and Jainism, who build funeral pyres to ceremoniously burn their dead. We are clearly commanded in the Torah not to go in the ways of idol worship.

Question 3

Elevator Pitch

Accepted Answer

If you have only a minute to make a compelling argument, here are some points you can make. Of course, ideally you should get into the details

As a Rabbi, I must share with you that as a Jew we do NOT cremate: it goes against all of our cherished heritage and we strongly believe that to do so would completely disrespect the body and soul of a loved one.

Cremation destroys any link to your parents’ legacy. There will be no point of connection for their grandchildren etc; no kaddish to be recited, no grave to visit on the yahrtzeit.

Burial is an incredibly holy, purifying and uplifting experience for the body and soul.

Since you called a Rabbi, it is my responsibility to share this information with you and if you'd like to discuss burial options I can assist you with that as well.

Question 4

Kabbalistic Perspective on Cremation

Accepted Answer

In Kabbalah there are five levels to the soul. The level of Nefesh remains with the body and only slowly leaves as the body decomposes. Unlike all other creations that were created body and soul simultaneously, man was created first as a body and only then given a soul. So too in death, if our soul would immediately depart, the body would immediately decompose.

Kabbalah explains that even after decomposition there is a sub-level of Nefesh called the “Hevlei Digarmai – vapor of the bones” that remains over the grave of a person for all of time. This is why you can go to the grave and feel connected to this person: because there is a part of this person that still remains connected with the body and remains hovering over the grave forever. (This also is why a kohen becomes impure from being in a cemetery).

Cremation is an act that destroys the possibility for the Nefesh to remain in this world, and you are destroying an eternal connection to which the family can connect with their loved one in a tangible way.

Question 5

The Most Important Reason: Techiyas Hameisim

Accepted Answer

The most important reason for not cremating is תחיית המתים. One of the 13 principles of faith is that Moshiach will usher in an era of redemption and world peace that will include the Revival of the dead. This is described in Job (10, 9-11) “Remember, please, that You fashioned me like clay, and that You will return me to the dust again. You will pour me out like milk, and curdle me like cheese. You will clothe me with skin and flesh, and knit me together with bones and sinews.” This happens through the Luz bone, which is a very tiny bone on the very top of the spine in the back of your neck (where the knot of the Tefillin goes). That bone is kept moist until the resurrection when a new body forms from the old. The “Hevlei Digarmai – vapor of the bones” remains for all of time to ensure the existence of moisture in the Luz bone.

When you cremate you vaporize the bones at such intense heat that there is no moisture left, and after that the actual bone is ground up as well.

Even if you were to put aside the luz bone before cremation, the very act of cremation is an act of denial in Techias hameisim and we are told (last perek of Sanhedrin) that כל ישראל יש להם חלק לעולם הבא except for those who deny Moshiach.

Cremation is in effect a declaration that once the soul has departed the body, the lifeless body has served its purpose and now has no further value.

Question 6

Emotional Appeal: Holocaust Comparison

Accepted Answer

Why send your mother into an oven, burning her body like a Jew being burned by Hitler

The 6 million Jews in the Holocaust were burned in ovens; they would have moved mountains to be able to have a proper Jewish burial, something the Nazis understood and stripped from them as a final form of dehumanization.

By burning your mother's body you will be finishing what Hitler started.

Question 7

Emotional Appeal: Description of What Cremation Does to the Body

Accepted Answer

Use discretion as to whether getting into the graphic details will be of aid — but the shock value of learning that the cremation process is not nearly as peaceful and elegant as it’s sold can have a tremendous effect.

When a body is cremated, they are placed in a 1400-1600 degree oven for 30 minutes to two hours.

It’s loud, it’s violent. The body sizzles and gives off a strong smell.

Even this high heat doesn’t destroy the bones, so the bone fragments are swept out of the cremation chamber and then pulverized into tiny bits.

Then the ashes and bones are placed in what is essentially a garbage bag before being transferred to the receptacle of choice.

Question 8

"Isn't keeping my word as important? If I cannot keep my word, how can I expect others to keep their word when I die?"

Accepted Answer

״אבל אם צוה שלא יקבר אין שומעין לו, שהקבורה מצוה שנאמר כי קבור תקברנו.
(משנה תורה הל׳ אבילות פרק י״ב)
The Rambam first discusses how we are obligated to fulfill the wishes of the deceased, but keeping your word to the Maker is also a promise. And the body is on loan and we all have an obligation to return property to its rightful owner.

Example: If your loved one requested you invest in 100k shares of a certain stock after his death. After he passes it comes out that this stock is an Enron scam. Do you still buy the stock or do you say, “If he had the info we have now, he would rather we not.” Your loved one is in a place now that he realizes the harm causes the soul. He is begging you: “Please don’t listen to what I said! I didn’t realize the harm it can cause!”

So he wants to be cremated. Did he say when? Bury him and cremate him in 5 years...

If he would have asked during his lifetime his brother or spouse to harm him in any way, they would not hesitate to refuse. The cremation is harming him as well.

Another argument, although not as to the point: if he'd give you a winning $300M PowerBall ticket and tell you that you should burn it upon his death or bury it with him would you listen?

After having reached an understanding of that point, then show some
simple examples how when we go through a change, it really changes what we
want and we appreciate as well.

For example all of us knew exactly what we would do when we grow up and become parents — but we change that completely after we actually mature and have kids.

We think we know how we'll act when we panic or are in pain but when it happens we see how different we act.

There are many such examples, maybe try to find one that would mean
something to the person who has the power to make the decisions.

And then hopefully there are words that can help, or that person is open to
understanding that their relative just went through a major transformation
from this world to the World of Truth.

It may help to have a some heartfelt examples e.g. how sometimes an older
sibling or a parent could say one thing to a younger sibling or a child and
have no clue how deeply meaningful it is. And now in the world of truth you
get to see the true impact of all of the little gestures you did while in
this world.

And then you could try to explain to the next of kin that even though while
in this world the person chose to cremate R"L however now they can truly
understand and value the treasure of the human body.

If you know some good things that the person did you could really build on
that, about how incredible particular physical body is, a true diamond, and
now this person themself are living with a perspective that sees it in a
true and clear way.

Bottom Line: Even though on paper they expressed their desire one way, nevertheless for us to put that body in a furnace now, let it burn and melt it down, and then take a hammer and crush every large piece down to dust, would be to truly cruel and disrespectful to the person as they are now

Question 9

Logical Appeal: How Can You be Certain Heaven Isn’t Real?

Accepted Answer

With that in mind there is another, much more coldly logical approach.

In essence the argument to fulfill their wishes, or to cremate in general, vs.
burial is a simple debate with 2 distinct points of view.

The argument for cremation is based on a solid and 100% certain belief that
after death all consciousness, and all life value ceases to exist. Poof,
there is nothing left. The person is entirely gone.

If there is the tiniest weakness in the truth or the belief in that
reality, if it is 1% wrong, then the concept of completely destroying the
human body becomes unfathomable.

On the other hand, the argument for burial is the fact that although the
person underwent a drastic transformation, nevertheless the life and
perhaps the consciousness remains.

This demands continued respect and a proper treatment and burial.

Even if this argument is not 1% wrong but rather 100% wrong, what would be
the loss? If a body is treated with respect and dignity and buried in the
ground, but it turns out that R"L consciousness ceased to exist when the
person's heart stopped beating, so what possible negative could there be
from anything that happens after that moment?

Question 10

Answering: Isn’t Cremation Better for the Environment?

Accepted Answer

People may argue that cemeteries are a waste of space and resources, and they introduce harmful chemicals to the environment. 10 acres of a typical cemetery contains nearly 1,000 tons of casket steel, and 20,000 tons of concrete for vaults. And nearly 800,000 gallons of embalming fluid are introduced into US soil every year as a result of burials.

Jewish burial is 100% eco-friendly. The deceased is buried in all-organic and biodegradable materials including a pine-wood casket that does not have a single metal nail (instead wooden pegs are used); linen shrouds; and a woolen tallit. Traditional Jewish cemeteries do not use vaults wherever possible.

All of this is not by chance, but by design. “You are dust and unto dust you shall return.” We don’t want any unnatural objects blocking the body from its reunification with the earth from which it came.
 
Neither do we typically use embalming fluids. Judaism places a high priority on burial as soon after passing as possible, and forbids open casket funerals, so the entire unpleasant and non-environmentally-friendly process of embalming does not take place.

On the other hand: It has come to light that cremation releases toxic materials into the environment in incredibly high quantities. Studies in Sweden have found that cremation accounts for some 32% of all mercury released into the environment. Those studies recommend burial as an alternative that is far safer for the living.

The emissions from crematories include nitrogen oxides, carbon monoxide, sulfur dioxide, mercury, hydrofluoric acid (HF), hydrochloric acid (HCl) in addition to persistent organic pollutants. To put it in plain English it’s the emissions equivalent of driving your car 4,800 miles.

Question 11

Answering: Doesn’t Cremation Allow for the Person’s Remains to be Brought Along?

Accepted Answer

Our lives are not necessarily designed for the respectful care of remains. Accidents happen, and even with the greatest of care, the urn with a loved one’s ashes may be destroyed or lost.

No one will visit? The greatest Jewish leader — Moses — was buried by G-d himself, and “no man knows his burial place” — no one visits! The respectful treatment of the remains is far more important to the soul’s peace. And if one day, your grandchildren want to visit, they will be able to.

Question 12

Answering: I can’t afford the cost of a funeral, a cremation is much cheaper.

Accepted Answer

if they legitimately can’t afford, there are several organizations that help bury poor people. (Make sure you are familiar with the local resources, Federation, Chessed Shel Emes).

Discuss how important the Mitzvah of burying a person is in the Jewish value system and your willingness to raise money etc to save a Mes Mitzvah. If even the Kohen Gadol would defile himself to help bury an abandoned Jew, how much more so I will.

Question 13

Answering: Burial is a waste of money. I would rather save the money for my grandkids to use.

Accepted Answer

This is not about them. This is about the mourning and recovery after the trauma of losing a loved one. If they love you, they should be willing to spend the extra money to ensure the already painful experience of losing a loved one, should not be compounded with the extra grief of cremation. How much have they spent in their lifetime to make you happy? Would they not be willing to spend money after they are gone and can no longer use it to make you happy for the rest of your lifetime.

Question 14

You Can Make Your Final Act One of Being A Proud Jew

Accepted Answer

Perhaps you didn’t live your life 100% the best way possible. But now, in your last moments on earth, you can declare, “I am a proud Jew — and I want to be buried as a Jew. I wasn’t perfect, but this is my final statement.”

Talking Points